Thursday, December 6, 2012

Jake was shot in the leg

Just kidding — he wasn't.

But those are thoughts that race through my mind. A lot. You see, I have a little something doctors like to tag "generalized anxiety disorder." In other words, GAD. Kind of sounds like gag, which is how I feel when the word "anxiety" rolls off my tongue.

I tend to have unrealistic fears and worries, dozens of which keep me awake at night. So tonight I'm filling you all in on one of the most intense "what-ifs" I've had in awhile — with the solution, too, of course.

So, back to the leg shooting. Doc. P sleeps on the right side of the bed, closest to the window. We are on the bottom floor of a three-level apartment complex. Every now and again, car lights break through our window curtain and stir my slumber. But most of the time, my anxiety does to the stirring.

On one said occasion, I imagined the occupants of a car barreling out of their unmarked vehicle, only to get into a scuffle with each other. Their fight would escalate until occupant #1 would pull out a gun. (What now, sucka foo.) However, occupant #2 would lunge forward, knocking the gun out of #1's hands. But just to my dismay, the gun would still fire, and because we live on the bottom floor, it would  shatter through the window and pierce Jake in the thigh.

Now that the backstory is taken care of, scenario-leg-shooting turns to solution. What would I do first? Do I call 911 or do I apply pressure? Wait, how do you apply pressure to a gunshot wound? Would I press my fingers over the masacre first or call 911? I'm pretty sure I saw something about a tourniquet on TV once. (That's probably gotta be in the picture somewhere.) Wait, do I need to get him on the floor? I'm CPR trained and was strictly told to not do CPR on a bed. Would Jake even need it? If so, how can I put pressure on his bleeding leg, while getting him safely on the carpet, while calling 911? If it's to save his life, yes to all of the necessary actions listed above.

The task seemed daunting.

After coming up with what I thought was a plausible solution, I "relaxed." First, stop the bleeding. Next, call 911. Third, push him onto the floor without throwing my back out. Fourth, make sure to unlock the door so the dispatchers don't have to break my door down. Not only would that be traumatizing, but expensive, too. They come, they save his life. Problem solved.

Or so I thought.

I attempted to wake Jake up to run my plan by him. You know, with him being a doctor and all, I had to get his stamp of approval. I guess it's his life too. For some reason he groaned and rolled when I said, "Psst. Jake. What do I do first if  you get shot in the leg?" (Guess this wasn't a pressing reason to wake him up. Seemed pressing to me. Cold sweat: Party of 1.)

So the next day, I relayed my plan to him. With a resounding, "WHAT?!" he let me know my plan was completely backwards, as was my brain.

"First of all, multi-task. Aren't you a woman? Call 911 and stop the bleeding. And never use a tourniquet if I'm just shot. Geez. Don't you know that whatever is below the tourniquet dies completely? I'd lose my whole leg. And why are we even talking about this — it will never happen. Bless your little heart, Brookie."

What would I do without him ... and my nutty imagination.


*What crazy scenarios and solutions keep you up at night?

9 comments:

  1. Oh my goodness, I'm not the only one who thinks of things like this! I've got a husband and a toddler...I have many situations and solutions running through my head, most of which are probably ridiculous, but what if I need them someday? Thanks for your wonderfully honest and open post!

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    1. I'm sorry I never responded sooner to your awesome comment — I'm so glad I'm not alone! Haha. It's crazy what women think about, isn't it? Thanks for your comment!

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  2. Me to a T! Everytime I cross an intersection the scenarios flood in. Six years no teaching at the same school, every time go down about five steps next to a wheelchair lift I can stop the image of me tripping and gouging out my eyes on the corner of the lift! And this is after I have been medicated with different tries! Not an easy thing to accept and survive.

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  3. Me to a T! Everytime I cross an intersection the scenarios flood in. Six years no teaching at the same school, every time go down about five steps next to a wheelchair lift I can stop the image of me tripping and gouging out my eyes on the corner of the lift! And this is after I have been medicated with different tries! Not an easy thing to accept and survive.

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  4. Baha! I'm glad I'm not the only one! Race and I watched some zombie shows for a while and I always had to (and still do) run scenarios by Race on how I would get out of all kinds of situations with zombies. Also when I was younger I remember I was worried that my sister got kidnapped walking home from school because she was running a couple of minutes late so I decided to walk to meet her and I was eating a bowl of mashed potatoes while I walked. And then a scary van slowed down right next to me and I was so convinced that they were the kidnappers who had taken my sister so I stopped eating my mashed potatoes just in case I was going to have to make them last for days. Haha. It was ridiculous. They did slow down and flip a u-turn right next to me though so I was pretty sure they were gonna grab me! Luckily they didn't and my sister made it safely home but I totally come up with crazy scenarios like you too!

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  5. I *definitely* get anxious about things. We're planning on moving into a newer apartment into the larger city and the area we were looking at is great...but a little sketchy. I can't imagine what mothers feel if this is how I feel now.

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    1. How did your move go?? Are your worrisome scenarios keeping you up at night? Haha. I agree — it makes sense, now, how much my mom worried over me. I guess I owe her an apology! Haha.

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  6. i definitely have this, diagnosed;) seriously though.
    how did i not know you had a blog.
    woman, i'm so excited:)

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    1. Emily! Haha. Isn't it the worst? I feel like I'm suffocating, 24/7. I can only imagine how this will escalate when I have kids.

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